Couples Facing Separation

Relationships can reach a point where one or both partners feel they need to separate from the other. This is often a painful, confusing and traumatic time for both individuals.

Separation can be a half-way house. It may be the ending of the relationship but it can be other things too. It might be a trial separation seen as test of the strength of the relationship. Sometimes it is about creating space in which to heal and reinvent the relationship.

I can work with you on an individual basis or both you and your partner. Working with me can provide you with both a neutral and a safe environment in which to explore what the future holds for your relationship and most importantly for you.

Please note that to get out of an abusive relationship is totally appropriate. This may be physical, sexual and / or psychological. Both Women and Men may find themselves in a controlling relationship in which they lose control over their own life.

Separation and Family

If you have children or dependent family members your separation will have an impact on them. Children may appear to be coping and stoic yet it will be impacting them on a relational and wellbeing level. If you haven’t told them yet, consider selecting a neutral place which they won’t then associate with being told upsetting news. This could be in a park, a pub garden or whilst going for a walk.

Both of you can explain what is happening without going into too much detail whilst avoiding blaming or shaming each other. Be clear it is not anything they have done and that you both love them and will continue to do so. Don’t ask them though to choose between you or take sides, it’s your fight not theirs.

It isn’t that you should stay in a painful and destructive relationship. You as a parent and as an individual have a continuing responsibility to keep them and yourself safe as much as possible. If your partner has left you let them know you are there for them and will continue to be so.

These sites can help regards separation, divorce and children

Boundaries and Limits

In the counselling room boundaries can be agreed in relation to what behaviours are or are not acceptable. For instance it is not acceptable to physically attack, verbally threaten or intimidate the other. However you may decide it is an environment where it is safe to argue, to be angry or upset and to confront about agreed topics.  It is also a setting where understanding, acceptance and hope may be experienced.

Will you choose to be separated but living together in the same house. How will you agree about splitting bills, household chores and day to day arrangements. What will happen with family responsibilities and will you bring friends home.

It’s important to determine if you will or will not be seeing anyone else. Sometimes one partner or both partners may choose to do so. It is important to be honest about this as separation is not the automatic green light to have other partners if there is a consideration you might get back together again.

Christmas can be a very testing time for couples and families going through separation and holding on to the pretence of normality. It’s useful to plan ahead and determine how best to get through this time.

Page 2 – When you both want different things