Marriage Counselling can help renew your relationship

Marriage Counselling Southampton

When a married couple have difficulties in their relationship this can also have impacts on children, family members and friends.

Marriages go through various stages as the couple changes. The first two years or the honeymoon period is when the couples’ attention is on each other. The intensity of attraction in particular sexual attraction can’t continue at the rate.

Couples can miss the heady days of being madly in love and might feel that their partner is no longer as attentive to their needs as they once were. They may wonder if they love their spouse as they did.

Generally after two years a more mature and sustaining relationship is reached. However there are many events that can impact on a marriage.

Arrival of Children

This is often very disruptive to a relationship as the time and attention of both parents is now focussed on a demanding infant. Whereas a couple had energy for each other this is often used to cope with day to day demands such as work, maintaining the household and bring up the children.

Couples can find that that no longer have time and energy for the other. Sexual connection may be withdrawn or significantly withdrawn due to physical and emotional exhaustion.

It may be that the mothers’ attention is given to a demanding infant. Leading to the husband leaving left out, not valued and feeling isolated within the relationship. A husbands desire to reconnect is often through physical sexual activity however the wife may find that her emotional needs are not being met.

This can also apply with roles swapped with the mother feeling left out especially as the child grow older and bond with the father. Equally a husband may lose interest in sex and a wife may pursue him for connection and attention.

In this way a couple may be reaching out to the other unable to get their needs met or to meet the others needs. This can lead to affairs or feelings of jealousy and isolation.

When this happens marriage counselling southampton can help to make sense of what is happening and help explore how unmet needs might be met.

Established Marriages

The seven year itch is a well known threat to marriages when one or both spouses question themselves and the relationship. Wondering ‘Is this all there is, is this it, do I just carry like this until I die’.

There are points in life when everyone queries what their life and relationship mean. These life crises are when we question ourselves often from a place of fear and loss. Life is passing by, what about all my dreams.

This can be a period when marriages and the relationship with our self can be looked at, examined and renewed. Rather than us trying to turn the clock back and be younger than we are again we can embrace who we have become and who we might be.

Choosing to work with me on your relationship, marriage counselling southampton can help in exploring and renewing your relationship.

Mature couples

As children leave home this can be a sense of relief. However it can leave a gap that is difficult to fill impacting on married life. Suddenly couples realise their roles and identity as parents have changed. A child may go on to confide with one parent leading the other parent to feel left out and not so loved. This insecurity can undermine self worth and lead to anxiety.

A similar change is that of retirement. When one or both spouses retire, one or both may look to the other to provide connection, structure and routine.

What do they have in common after these years having operated in a semi independent way. Now with more time to fill, one may feel more dependent on the other to provide company and structure expecting the other spouse to be there for them.

As with being parents of infants, one may feel left out and rejected if one spouse has their independent set of friends, routines and interests whilst the other spouse doesn’t.

In all situations, young, established and mature relationships need connection and sharing for both people independent of others. However is also needs both spouses to have their own friends, interests and routines so maintaining flexible interdepence. By doing so both the individual and the marriage can be nurtured.

Exploring how you and the relationship has changed with marriage counselling southampton can help with identifying and learning how to meet needs for self and together.

Sex and intimacy

After ten years of marriage spontaneous sexual arousal when considering our spouse if often reduced from what it was. This is normal and can be worked with using sensitivity and understanding.

As we get older sexual relations can be less frequent and less spontaneous. This can be compounded by physical limitation, illness, medication and reduced desire. It is important to look at what is and isn’t happening.

How and when you have sexual relations is different for every couple. It may be difficult for the man to get and maintain an erection. It may be equally difficult for the women to become aroused. Sex doesn’t always have to include penetration of end in orgasms.

Intimacy is an integral part of a marriage, without it you are just co habituating. Intimacy is sharing thoughts, hopes, interests and vulnerabilities. Planning to share experiences and support each other is a vital part of the relationship as is the physical connection.

Hugging, holding, caressing, stroking are ways we connect and maintain that connection in a marriage. A married couple can keep that spark alive by reaching out to each other and being attentive. The goal of marriage counselling Southampton is to help couples re-establish the emotional and physical connection in new ways.

 

Coming for Marriage Counselling

Can be quite a daunting task as one or more spouses may feel they have failed, at fault or blame. Equally a married couple can feel shamed and embarrassed to talk about what might have gone wrong in their relationship.

However it is a safe place to look at the emotional and physical aspects of your relationship. To consider what changes have taken place and how you might change too. Expressing our vulnerabilities to our self and our spouse can inject an new openness and honesty into the relationship. When this happens that marriage can experience a greater degree of connection, acceptance and intimacy.

Where spouses have drifted too far apart, it can be a safe place to explore the possibilities and options taking both partners needs into account.

A marriage counsellor won’t tell you what to do or tell you what you have done wrong. They will help you to explore and consider new ways of being and coping in your relationship

You can contact me by email, text or phone for more information how marriage counselling southampton might help you and your spouse.

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