Couples Sessions Fees

Couples counselling initial assessment £40

Couples counselling session £60

Fees may be payable if session cancelled with less than 24hrs notice

Current Appointment Availability

Monday – Waiting list

Tuesday –  5.30pm, 6.30pm – alternate weeks

Wednesday – 6.30pm monthly

Thursday – 6.00pm most weeks

Saturday – 10.00am, 11.10am

Logo for Emotionally Focussed Therapy for Couples

EFT for couples counselling

Challenges to Relationships

You started your relationship, partnership or marriage with the expectation of leading a happy, loving and satisfying life together. Sharing interests, intimacy and connection.

Feeling loved, acknowledged and valued, there was contentment and security. It was meant to be happily ever after. Then over time things changed, often a series of small things and suddenly there is a gulf between you. What happened, you can’t relate to each other!?

External Impacts

Life events can all have an significant impact on a couples relationship. Being too busy for each other, external demands, tiredness, loss of libido, redundancy, stress at work, financial difficulties, moving home, the list is endless. Not being able to conceive, children being born, children living at home or leaving home are also huge disruptions in couples lives.

Relationships continue to evolve and develop over time. Reflecting how all individuals themselves grow. Within the relationship couples face difficulties with negotiations, conflicts, differences of opinion and unmet needs.

Changes Within

Relationships aren’t static. They change according to nature of  both individuals and people don’t necessarily develop at the same rate. Leading on occasions to insecurity, unfulfilment and lack of rapport.

As individuals change then one or both partners may feel dissatisfied with the other person. One morning you wake up and wonder do you love each other any more. Do you even love yourself still?

Time for Change

As you get older you may no longer recognise your partner or yourself. Somewhere the relationship has taken a wrong turn and one or both of you didn’t keep up.

This can be a period of uncertainty, confusion and anxiety. It can feel really lonely. Maybe its time for you to do something different and try something new.

That something is to engage in couples counselling seek to form a new relationship that is stronger than it was before.

Discover new things about you and your partner. Find what you have been missing and how to put it back into the relationship.

Relationship Counselling for Couples

I specialise in working with couples who are experiencing difficulties or simply want to breathe new life into their relationship.

Couples counselling southampton can help give you a better perspective of what is happening. Helping to  recognise and figure out how obstacles to well being might best be resolved.

Neutral and Discreet

My practice provides a private and secure environment where difficult things can be said and heard safely. There is time in which events can be explored, consider why they are happening and to recognise the impact.

As a couples therapist my role is to work with you so you recognise the best outcomes for yourselves individually and for the relationship. I don’t take sides, judge, criticise or tell you what to do.

Couples therapy enables resolution of conflict and rebuilding of your relationship.

Finding Your Voice

Working with both individuals in the counselling session I encourage each person to be able say what is happening for them and what they are experiencing. Standing back, slowing down and thinking calmly brings clarity.

Importantly each person can benefit from identifying their unmet needs, wants and desires. Then to be able to consider how those needs might be met.

The Art of Listening and Acknowledging

This requires some give and take, sharing of thoughts and feelings. Couples can use the relationship therapy sessions to develop negotiation skills, recognise the importance of meeting own needs whilst learning about yourself and your partner.

Relationships in difficulty really can and often do benefit from couples counselling.

Development of a Couples Relationship

As time passes, all individuals change according to events experienced, external influences, internal thoughts and feelings as well as impacts of their partners behaviour and attention.

Each individual influences how and at what rate the relationship grows and develops. At times this will be a mutually supportive, satisfying and rewarding.

In some situations this causes relationship pressures and stresses. We are shaped by our past. Anxieties, depression, worries that were initially soothed at the beginning of the relationship might then start bubbling back to the surface.

Couples counselling helps recognise those obstacles and repeating patterns of behaviour. With this understanding the relationship can be repaired and then move forwards

Women reaching out

Stage One Bonding

This is when couples are strongly attracted to each physically, emotionally and sexually. Similarities are shared and differences are minimised. Typically this relationship stage lasts around eighteen months and most often mutually beneficial in nature.

A committed and strong attachment forms the foundation of the ongoing relationship. This is a period of co-dependence and exclusiveness where identity changes from I to We.

If one partner moves ahead of the other to the next stage this can lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and or dependency.

This is the most common stage of relationship development where couples get stuck. Where one partner wants to maintain the mutually dependent close bond whilst the other sees themself and their partner as a separate person.

Stage Two Differing

Each partner in this stage focuses on the differences and imperfections of their partners. This requires negotiation to promote acceptance of different needs and wants.

We must learn to self sooth our own feelings of discontentment. This develops a clear sense of identity and reduces dependency on our partner. Equally whilst wanting our individual space, interests and friends we also invest in the relationship.

This stage can result in discontentment at the loss of bonding and focus on the differences. This is typified by disappointment in each other leading to conflict and blame.

Both partners must learn to compromise and learn to tolerate differences. One method I use to promote understanding and acceptance is how to engage in positive conflict.

Stage Three Individuality

Couples develop their individuality exploring new experiences as individuals and returning to the relationship. This promotes self-worth and esteem so that new skills and abilities can be developed.

This requires individuals to be open and honest about sharing thoughts and feelings. Support for the others search to realise their potential is necessary and well as your own.

Couples may experience struggles over control and authority. Affairs may take place, one partner may come and go at will whilst still wanting the security of home and relationship.

Stage Four Reconnecting

Couples in the reconnecting stage return to one another. They reconnect on a deeper level of empathy and understanding.

Here there is greater closeness and emotional connection.

 

Stage Five Interdependence

This the last phase of development that brings the couple to a point where each accepts and supports their own individuality and that of their partner. Both partners enjoy individuality and the strength of the union.

In this phase the sum of the relationship is greater than the individuals. Trust, intimacy and spontaneity underpins the relationship.

Ending Relationships

In some instances it’s not about how to continue the relationship, it is about how to end the relationship well. Coming to terms with the loss of dreams and expectations.

Counselling can help with dealing with mixed emotions, uncertainty and having to start again.

Additional Information

Online information is available from the Couples Institute blog for clients.