Couples Drifting Apart

Relationship Drifting Apart – How to Start Reconnecting Again

A significant number of relationships suffer because of a lack of emotional connection. Relationships like any living thing needs to be nurtured and taken care of and not taken for granted. Otherwise you can find you and your partner drifting apart.

Relationships can be stretched to breaking point due external impacts and lack of focus on the alliance. When this happens there is a loss of emotional closeness and connection. This can manifest as subdued emotions, irritability, reduced or no sexual contact, affairs and a lack of interest in each other.

External Impacts

These include birth of children, mental and physical illness, financial worries, work demands, caring for elderly relatives, trauma, retirement and many other factors.

These put pressure on the relationship by demanding time, attention and worry. Each can detract from the solidarity of the couple so that each person ends up just functioning as an individual so as cope.

There comes a time when two individuals in a relationship under pressure can end up looking out for themselves so as to get by. Inter relational support has gone, its each person for themselves.

When one or both partners focus solely on their own needs and not of each other, then the necessary element of consideration is ignored. This leads to isolation and resentment.

Lack of Focus

When there is little or no attention on a struggling relationship this can be due to preconceived ideas around roles and responsabilities based on gender stereotyping or just taking the other for granted.

Where one person works and the other is the child carer this can lead to discontentment. The working individual may go straight the gym, arrange to see friends and take part in sporting events. Meanwhile the other partner is just expected to get on with things.

In another relationship one may work full time and the other partner assume they don’t have to work and should be taken care of. Feeling the weight of sole responsibility the working partner may begin to feel resentful.

In these examples there isn’t mutual consideration, it is imbalanced and there is an assumption for one partner that it is OK and acceptable. These all contribute to the relationship starting to drift apart.

How to Reconnect

Firstly don’t take your relationship for granted. Share problems and joys. This doesn’t mean you can fix all the problems. It is more providing moral support and understanding, having each others back.

Be considerate of each other. Ask yourself are you and your partner both contributing at least 50% to the relationship. Remember we can be contributing in different ways. If there is an unfair imbalance talk about it and address it.

Compromise is so important in a long-term relationship for it to survive. It means you both get something of what you want, not everything, but at least something.

Give each other your time and attention. Be there for each other. Listen, respond and acknowledge. We all need to feel valued in a relationship otherwise we are going to question it before too long.

Do some things just for the two of you. Spend time in each other’s company, check out with each other to make sure the relationship is OK. Be there for each other and make time for each other every week. If you are parents this is doubly important so find a baby siter.

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