Why Can't I Share My Feelings

When Counselling is Not Recommended

Knowing when not to seek support is as important as knowing when to seek it.

I would recommend you don’t engage in therapy if any of the following apply.

  1. When you expect the therapist to fix you, to inform you what to do and basically be a font of all knowledge. By doing so you are not developing your own ability to be self-resourceful and to trust in making your own decisions.
  2. Expecting the therapist to side with you in disagreeing, blaming or criticising your partner or family member. This leads to further conflict and does nothing to heal the relationship issue.
  3. Either just talking and talking all the time or equally not engaging and sitting back wanting the therapist to do all the work. Neither of these approaches promotes interaction or participation. Both these qualities are required so as to learn not to dominate or withdraw for others.
  4. If you are not prepared to take responsibility for yourself and your impacts on others. When it’s everyone else or you claim it’s nothing to do with you then you are not going to be able to see other perspectives.
  5. If you just want to complain and bitch about how unfair life is and not seek to make any positive changes. Holding a constant negative view and pursuing this is only going to reinforce a not Ok position and justify to yourself being and remaining miserable.
  6. Selecting a therapist on price alone despite them not having the experience of working with the issue that you want to work on. It’s important that you value the ability of the therapist and not undervaluing or overvaluing the financial aspect of the service provided.
  7. If someone holds you to hostage, ie if you don’t go to counselling then I will/won’t….

It’s much better if you engage with therapy because you want to not because you have to go or to please someone else. Going through the motions won’t bring much benefit.

  1. If you are doing it to show others a grandiose demonstration of your sincerity that is not genuine. When engaging with therapy in order to hold on to what you want or to gain at the expense of others this is simply manipulation.
  2. If you are going for couples counselling and you are constantly condescending, critical and attacking. Don’t bother, you have doomed the relationship already.
  3. If you are the persecutor in a relationship and employ physical, psychological, controlling or sexual abuse don’t engage in couples counselling. Go for individual counselling and stop the anti-social behaviour first.
  4. Significant mental health issues ie psychosis, go to your GP first and determine if you need Psychiatric help. If you do, then check with the psychiatrist first if counselling, psychotherapy is appropriate. Self-introspection in some circumstances can have negative outcomes.
  5. If you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol then the majority of therapists will refuse to see you. You need to be in a state where you can be responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions.