changing chnages

Changing For the Better

Change is necessary to give us the stimulation we require in life so that we feel engaged and connected with the world around us. A vital part of life, change can be something we both dread and desire.

Too little and we are bored, disengaged and not feeling part of. Our energy levels drop, we don’t feel inclined to engage and our motivation drops. It can be difficult to initiate and make plans. We are more likely to sink into an unfulfilling and minimal routine.

At the other end of the spectrum is too much change. Life becomes too chaotic. Security is threatened and we feel out of control. We can struggle against the tide but find our self-swept away by the force of the current.

Responsible for Self

When we feel that we have too little influence to control our life or we are being overwhelmed by events around us we suffer and experience stress.

When under stimulated or overwhelmed we no longer experience balance in our life. We can feel we lose influence and control over our own lives. So we can go to a place of powerless and hopelessness.

Whilst other people can help, they can’t do it for you. Feeling powerless and hopeless you put yourself into a position of a victim. That can be an invitation to others to either criticize and persecute or be sorry for you and rescue you.

Start from where you are now. Start to take back control taking small steps. Get connected with people who will support not carry, help not dominate. This can be family, friends, work colleagues help groups and therapists.

Bringing Back Balance

Start by looking at what is causing you suffering. These may be the things that you want to stop doing or have done to you. In this way you know what you don’t want. This is maybe the easiest part.

Next is to look at what you do want instead. Most people can state clearly what they don’t want.  Put your desired outcome into clear and plain English. Make sure it is stated in a positive way; I will … and in such a way it can be recognised and is measurable.

‘I want to be happier’ is often a goal clients will look for. It is difficult to measure and recognise. Rather state what you intend to do and behave differently that will lead to your goal of being happier.

If its your job that makes you unhappy, then an outcome is better stated as doing a job that you would enjoy doing and give you satisfaction. Then work backwards. Identify skills and resources to build on, training, contacts, CV’s etc.

Start now and take small, manageable steps each day.


Check out other counselling and coaching articles and wellbeing blogs  on my website.